Loneliness
A self-inflicted prophecy
Are you familiar with the feeling?
The one that builds slowly in your gut and spreads like wildfire when you acknowledge it?
The seemingly all-consuming force confining you to your house or bed for hours, with Herculean apathy binding you?
Yes, I feel it too, when I take my eye off the ball, let myself feed the negative feelings, and allow myself to crumble.
There are points where I used to cut contact and wait for someone to come and “rescue me” from my sad stupor. I would wallow in bed replaying the same cancerous thoughts in my head over and over until I either fell asleep or someone broke the cadence. It was as if I was swirling over a drain of darkness, but I could never fully succumb to the rushing water. I could always breathe enough.
If I had the energy, I would turn to vices: brainless entertainment that allowed the passage of time to flow rapidly, consuming processed food for massive dopamine spikes, and falling victim in my head once again.
It had an ironclad grip on me for longer than I’d like to admit.
Know that in most cases, you are not truly alone, whether you believe that or not. Homelessness occurs because one has no friends left with whom they can live, on a couch or otherwise.
Know too that you have a fire in you, once brilliant and raging, with creativity on tap, and a desire to keep failing until you succeed.
As children, we didn’t stop because we knew we had failed; we continued to try and try again, until the final iteration resulted in the desired outcome.
We must return to that childlike obsession, where there is fun in failure, glee in success, and an ever-expanding database of knowledge.
I never felt lonely as a kid. I would play with my Matchbox cars from dawn until dusk. I would sit by the window, endlessly entertained by the cars driving by.
It was only through social conditioning and social media that those fears began to arise and take hold.
Here’s what I would do if I were you:
Cut social media - it’s not worth it.
Do something meaningful for yourself - Flopping in front of the TV until bed does not count. Rekindle the fire that you had for cars, buildings, airplanes, books, before schooling, and your job sucked your creative genius and desire away. Start small ~15 min/day and ramp up every few days or each week.
Go to a gym - look good, feel good. This will increase your confidence while introducing stimuli of existing around other people. Perfect preparation for meeting new people.
Get outside - Go hiking, walking, running…
Make eye contact and smile - duh, not creepy eyes. A genuine smile. This will also increase comfort. People are so glued to their phones that they may be bewildered. Build social interactions.
Become an expert - build rapport within communities and help others who are passionate about the same thing.
Repeat - Consistency will always beat intensity.
Life will always throw you curveballs. There will be people who try to pull you down. Leave those people behind and find others who are interested in improving their lives as you are. You’ll see them leveling up and work harder to elevate yourself.
Loneliness is a prison that you already hold the key to. One that you place yourself in.
Turn the lock and enjoy life, my friend.
Iro
My last two newsletters:
